Why I'm Deleting Instagram
The time has come to delete my instagram account. I was percolating today on an article I could write to gather my thoughts on the issue. When I reached out to some of my in real life friends, asking for their cell numbers so we could stay in touch, I was posed with a good and fair question.
What made you decide to do that? I know you were promoting your book and business stuff on there and sharing quite a bit!
Here’s the short answer: I have observed in myself a disturbing addiction to be numb and to distract myself whenever the moment is too boring. I am looking to make friends with boredom because I need to show my child how to make friends with boredom.
Here’s the longer answer.
I’m adaptable by nature which means I can fit into any social group. The disadvantage is that it is terribly unclear to me what type of people I actually feel at home with; feel that I belong around. I’ve done a lot of work since my kid was born to belong to myself first and it has helped immensely in knowing who else I belong around. Seeing what other people like (through instagram) makes it incredibly hard for me to listen to my inner voice and look within to see what I like, what I want or what I need. It is time for me to stop looking to others for my identity and only look to myself to know who I am.
When my dad passed, Jan 1, 2024, it was like a veil was lifted. For some reason, his passing allowed me to see and embrace that I do not enjoy getting to know strangers, and I do not like big groups of people. The social situations which fill my cup are when I can by 1:1 with a friend, or in a small group of about 3-5 other friends. I am in a season of my life where my best social times are mid-morning or mid-afternoon. Evening events are disruptive to me. And the group of people who fill up my cup? My family! After years of not seeing my cousins, I saw many of them at my dad’s funeral and it filled me up in a way that I have not felt for a long time.
Something else about connecting best 1:1 also means the flipside is incredibly exhausting and depleting to me. When I put myself out there in the form of an instagram post and hear crickets back, it’s a kind of pain that cuts deep. I want to know that I am seen and heard and valued; that what I have to say is important. Instagram is not the place for that.
An epiphany kicked in only a few days ago. I took the enforcer, masculine role in my family since my dad was not a firm, manly, enforcing kind of guy.
There is a stark difference between the kind of man my husband is and the kind of man my father was. My dad was meek, kind, gentle, thin-skinned, big-hearted. My husband is a man’s man - thick skinned, tough as nails - ain’t nothin’ gonna get through to that sucker (unless it’s the death of a pet or plant). My dad was not physically present for most of my childhood. He was a long-haul truck driver. My husband is a full-time dad and he is the enforcer and he is a great leader for our son. The way this effects me is that I no longer need to be the enforcer. It is time for me to put down my strict German heritage, and embrace the finer feminine points of grace and compassion. The moments that are the most exhausting and frustrating for me as a mom, are where I try to be the enforcer and make my son listen to me. I carried the role of enforcer for years in my family and it’s time to pass the torch to my husband.
I hit a very similar epiphany years ago, early 2019, when I was studying masculine and feminine traits. I realized I had operated solely in my masculine for years, and had no idea what it was to operate in my feminine. All souls need a balance of masculine and feminine but to hyper develop one and not the other is an imbalance. Shortly after I birthed my son, I realized this experience is something many women are journeying through and so I started writing a book about it; about my experience discovering and embodying the divine feminine. I’ve made so many more discoveries about embodying the feminine since being a mother and it is my hearts desire to also write a second book about embodying the feminine as a mother.
I had used instagram to talk about my book. The idea was to build a following of people who would know about my book, be excited about my book, and buy it when it was released. The thing about instagram is that I don’t have great visibility into who even sees my posts. The algorithm is such that my content can be hidden from those who follow me. I have a good idea that about 30 odd people see my stories on instagram, but even that’s not a guarantee. And any marketer would tell you that the key in converting your audience to sales is to have an email list. Over the years I’ve noted down about 10 or so odd people who I have had great connections with who I want to email when I have my book ready. In the meantime, Substack is a subscription where I can build my audience and then launch my book. I even deleted my website in the beginning of this year because I felt Substack had what I needed and was far easier to manage and maintain. And it keeps written articles and my podcast in the same space. AND it can manage paid subscribers!
I’ve had a love-hate relationship with instagram for years now. I started with a personal account with only people I knew - friends and family. Then I started finding accounts about all sorts of things I was interested in which changed and evolved over time. I felt like I wanted to share and express those new things I was learning but didn’t feel my family was the appropriate audience, so I made a second account. The number one thing I am so passionate about sharing about is women’s empowerment. Women operate in a way so distinctly different than men and there is so much strength and beauty in it - it’s valuable. Along the way I found many modalities which served me as I embodied my divine feminine. I learned about Paganism, Ayurveda, yoga, kundalini yoga, yin yoga, meditation, affirmations, visualization, Astrology, Herbology, foraging, harvesting, creating homemade apothecary products, being a doula and all things birth and motherhood and caring for your child in a natural and holistic way. Many times I would take a break from instagram. The longest break was 90-days and after such a creative, powerful season away from technology, I conceived my son.
The thing about instagram, whatever you use it for, facebook and instagram were created with the intent to mirror the addictive traits of gambling to suck you in to the point where you are not aware of your own actions.
Let me say that again.
facebook and instagram were created with the intent to mirror the addictive traits of gambling to suck you in to the point where you are not aware of your own actions.
That includes tik tok too. The content, the scrolling, the briefness of the content treat you like an addicted gambler, always coming back for more. But don’t take my word for it.
Studies show that children exposed early to these social platforms have no ability to be bored. They don’t take risks, they aren’t creative, they have no ideas of their own to generate innovation. They have no social skills, they do not date/have partners/get married or have children. The majority of states have banned cell phones from secondary schools, and Canada is putting into effect starting September 2024, a ban of cell phones in all secondary schools. In countries across the ocean, social media platforms are only accessible to people from Friday night to Sunday at 3pm. Furthermore, scientists are lobbying to put a huge, full-screen warning on social media platforms of the mental deficits it causes in your brain. This full-screen warning would pop up and not be able to be dismissed. You’d have to wait for it to disappear before continuing your browsing. And they want it to show up every 5 minutes.
It makes me pause and ask, where am I in all of this?
I feel my shortness of attention span, my fidgetiness in long meetings or how much I struggle to complete boring, mundane tasks like data entry. I want to be friends with boredom. I don’t want to look to escape my life. I want to be so present in my life that I get to sit and watch worms and marvel at my existence. I want to teach my child to make friends with boredom. I want to change my mothering so be soft and gentle and release the need to be the enforcer. I want to focus on my in real life friends. I want to embrace who I am, be who I am, and not look to others and not define myself by what I see in others.
And now the question is yours - where are you in all of this?