Remembering my dad.
January 11, 1960 - January 1, 2024.
[Obituary written by my mom.]
It is with great sadness that we share the tragic loss of Bruce. On January 1, 2024 he was ushered into the presence of His Lord and Saviour.
Warren Bruce Fehr was born into the Abe and Helen Fehr family, fourth of five siblings. He and his younger brother Stewart were playmates for many years. After high school he moved to Saskatoon to live with older brothers Chuck and Tom. He attended Heavy Duty Repair at Kelsey Institute and began perfecting his trade. He met Joanne Maguire at the College and Career group at Circle Drive Church. They were married in Sept. 1981. They moved to Prince Albert from 1982 to 1988. He obtained his class 1 license and they moved to Cold Lake.
Thus began a 30+ years career as a long-haul trucker (manager of a mobile profit centre). He owned his own rig and hauled anything on a flatbed trailer from Houston Texas to Labrador and Newfoundland. It was very easy for him to strike up a conversation about the Lord in any setting. He was passionate about people having a relationship with Jesus as Lord.
Their two children were born in Cold Lake -- Amanda Jayne in 1990 and Shelby Carlene in 1993. These girls were the love of his life. They moved to the Carvel acreage in 1994. He continued to drive long haul until 2010 when he sold his rig and trailer. He tried his hand at other driving jobs but the best one of all was when he could be on his garden tractor (Little John) cutting grass. Inventing new ways to do things brought a great deal of satisfaction to Bruce.
He is survived by his wife of 42 years, Joanne and their daughters Amanda Aaron (Jonathan) and Shelby (Dilan Rubalcaba) as well as his grandson Forryst Aaron. He will be greatly missed by siblings Charles (Betty Lynne), Sharon (Floyd), Tom (Audrey) and Stewart; mother in-law Carole Maguire, other in-laws Sharon Robertson (Ian Myerscough), Bill Maguire (Kim Smith) and Doug Maguire (Elaine Lobreau). His laugh and quick wit will be missing from the conversations of his 9 nephews and 4 nieces and 12 great nieces and nephews.
My memories of my dad
My dad was the best dad he knew how to be.
When I came to peace about that fact, I was able to let go of my anger that he wasn’t there for me when I needed him.
As a kid, Dad was away from the house for many days at a time as a long-haul truck driver. For years, I missed him terribly. I would call his cell phone late at night, knowing his phone would be off, just to hear his voice on his voicemail. I kept a family photo under my pillow so I could see him when I really missed him at night. When he was home, he was usually distant - emotionally unavailable and tired. I became angry that he wasn’t there for me.
I did a book study in Grade 7. The author wrote about their experience being abused as a child and the effects it had on their adult life and emotional development. I recognized several signs and behaviours in my dad and it was the first crack that helped me soften towards my dad. He never had a model of a good dad - he was doing the best he knew how.
In 2006, we took a family trip to Oshkidee for Family Camp and I had planned to be baptized that summer. I knew I would be asked to share my testimony before being baptized. I remember this internal wrestling of not knowing what to say.
God told me I’m holding it against my dad that he doesn’t know how to love or trust and I needed to forgive him. God told me that even though my earthly father may not know how to love me, my heavenly Father will never stop loving me and he’ll love me to the end.
I chose to forgive and learn how to love my dad.
Around that same time, I took him to a Pentecostal worship service on a day where they skipped the message (speaking part) and worshiped the whole time. They blew rams horns and marched flags around the church and danced. My dad called it “devil worship” and said I would tear apart the family if I attended there instead of Spruce Grove Alliance Church with my parents.
It was a tense time. Eventually, we came to peace accepting that we both practice our faith in very different ways.
He always sat at the back of the church because the music was too loud, and the lights too bright.
When I got my first iPod, dad scrolled through the songs and said, “where’s all the music”? To him, the only real music was country, and his favourite movies were old country westerns that he got on VHS from truck stops.
I’ll always remember his “HAHA!” laugh, where he would push back in his recliner far enough that he would almost flip over backwards. I enjoyed watching how excited he would get during a hockey game, or how hard he would laugh at a dumb comedy. My dad was infinitely silly and always tried to get others to laugh. I imagined him as the favourite uncle of all my cousin’s.
He had endless silly faces to make, which made him the best Grandpa - and sound effects. So many sound effects.
My almost 4 year old son, Forryst, always wanted to facetime with Grandpa.
When Forryst and I were in Edmonton last, in August, Dad was in a spot way at the end of the pickup zone and he was standing at the end of the sidewalk. When Forryst saw him, he ran and jumped into his arms for a hug. This memory is still so precious to me.
When my dad was home, we would have lots of fun together. Somehow he would always get us laughing at supper time - we would laugh through the whole meal.
For me, the driving part of our vacations was the best.
My dad frequently drove with the window open. One time, bird poop came through the window and landed on my dad’s shirt. He started gaging immediately. He was highly sensitive to smells. Shelby and I almost died laughing. My dad almost puked in the car.
On our way to camp Oshkidee one year, we made a pit stop and we played an archade racing game. That’s all the inspiration my dad needed to race down the gravel roads the rest of the way.
I remember a long trip in the truck with dad, down to Houston, Texas. We had such raw, authentic chats at night - it would be dark all around, with nothing to see but the headlights on the road and the glow of the dashboard.
We all drove down to California one year. We went to Disneyland. Dad was a trooper and went on many rides with us, even though he is easily motion sick. After Space Mountain, he puked and was done for the day - but he still went on the ride with us!
I remember playing board games, both as a family and with Aunts, Uncles and cousins.
It was sometimes hard for my dad to lose. Feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred would bare its big ugly head, and he’d become quite downcast. Thankfully, those moments didn’t happen all the time, and sometimes he would even win!
A favourite game memory was one Christmas at Grandma Fehr’s place. Tom was gifted with “You Might be a Redneck if… Game”. We all played and it made my dad howl with laughter!
I remember he came to my high school graduation.
I remember he cried when I moved to Vancouver.
My dad had such a kind heart. He cried at movies. Being an empty-nester was harder on my dad than my mom. When I first moved to BC, he would call me all the time.
One year I flew home, unannounced, for Father’s Day - just drove up and knocked on the door. The shock and surprise on my dad’s face was so worth it. He talked about that visit for a long time.
Of all the things we did, there were some thing we talked about that we never got to do. Dad always talked about going fishing and being my gardener or landscaper. We never made it out fishing, and I still don’t own land that he could tend to the maintenance, but he did register his own lawn care company and cared for several clients last summer. He thoroughly enjoyed small engine repair and lawn care. He always worked better independently, without a boss looming over him.
I miss all the faces and wealth of expression my dad had.
I miss his large sausage fingers and rough mechanics hands.
I miss the familiar old-man wrinkle lines on his tanned, leathery face.
I hope he knew how loved he was when he was here.
Though I miss him dearly, I am at peace. I had a great relationship with my dad in my adult years. I scrolled back and see texts like “I’m always thinking of you”, and when I told him of my new job, he texted, “I’m very happy for you. I’m proud of you”. Christmas 2022 he texted, “I have all I need. My most precious gift is you.”
My heart is at peace. I am incredibly blessed from the relationship I built with my dad. Now he is in a place where his feet will never sweat, his aches and pains are gone, and he will be forever well rested. He is in a place of unconditional love. That’s all I ever wanted for him. I love you, dad.